


As he doubts

by MyMomSaidSo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I've been listening to post malone a lot, Light Angst, M/M, Making Up, Semi is an insecure child, Ushiwaka is angery™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyMomSaidSo/pseuds/MyMomSaidSo
Summary: "Tell me you don't want me no more."--Semi's an over-thinker. Then again, aren't we all?





	As he doubts

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to sad hip hop songs.  
> Also, this is an escape from assignments.

 

He took a drive as early as 4 in the morning to the beach. Making sure no one was around, he pulled over and parked the car. The jingling of keys was the only sound heard aside from the rustling of waves. It was cold, and the sun hasn't even risen yet. It was perfect.

 

He walked to the sand and sat down. He took a good look at his surroundings even if he could barely make out anything. 

 

Tears threatened to show and he didn't resist. They kept falling, and bit his lip, until he couldn't help it anymore.

 

Eita wailed. He cried and screamed, and hell, it didn't even matter anymore if somebody heard him. _It hurt_. It hurt so much that the only thing he could do without harming himself or anyone else was to let all of this out.

 

He's tired. He was so, so tired of all these thoughts and goddamn feelings. They've been suffocating him, choking him until he felt like he couldn't breathe. He'd been bottling up his insecurities for so long and he was desperate to find a way out. All he did these past weeks was to cry himself to sleep and drink liquor (when Wakatoshi wasn't around) to try to at least numb the pain, even if just for a bit.

 

_Drugs_. He thought of taking drugs.

 

( _Memories of too much cocaine swept over him._ )

 

He stopped, however, when he started to spend time with Wakatoshi. It wasn't easy separating him from his substances but Wakatoshi never gave up, and Eita was glad he was convinced to change for the better. He didn't feel so depressed anymore. He felt lighter, happier, and content.

 

He didn't think it would come back.

 

Today, he ran away again. Call him a coward, he wouldn't care; he _knows_ he's a coward. He knows that he's a shitty person for leaving his sleeping lover in the crack ass of dawn just to scream his lungs out in the open because of useless, useless, _painful_ thoughts. His head hurt, his heart hurts, his everything hurts. He couldn't harm himself, he wants to cut to take his mind off things but he promised Wakatoshi he wouldn't. _Don't you dare,_ he could make out Wakatoshi's voice in his head. _Don't you start this right now,_ _Eita_ _. We talked about this._

 

_You promised._

 

"I know," Smoke came out of his mouth as he spoke. It was still too cold. He had ceased crying but his eyes were still puffy. He blinked forming tears away, and stared into the distance. The sun's barely risen and the colors in the sky were already showing. He's glad he wore his jacket today. For a moment, he considered going home because it was freezing, but decided not to. The pain's still there. He didn't want to wake Wakatoshi and just trouble him.

 

He sat on the sand, and stayed for a while.

 

* * *

 

 

 

_His cheek hurt._

 

_Wakatoshi_ _must have punched him too hard, bastard never took the time to know his own strength._ _Eita_ _knew he deserved it, he was being so unreasonable and yet he punched_ _Wakatoshi_ _back, retaliating until he was satisfied._ _Wakatoshi_ _was still clearly the stronger one, fighting back, but_ _Eita_ _felt the slightest bit of satisfaction when he saw the bruises on_ _Wakatoshi's_ _skin._

 

_He was twisted to think that, sure, but he was angry. He was angry because_ _Wakatoshi_ _was angry at him because he was taking drugs again._ _Wakatoshi_ _didn't want to know where he got the stuff. He just shouted at him and_ _Eita_ _shouted back. The taller shoved the drugs away from his reach and_ _Eita_ _threw a fit._

 

_Wakatoshi_ _reasoned with him, but he was just too stubborn which led to them punching each other like the hotheaded idiots they were._

 

_(Although,_ _Eita_ _was the bigger idiot.)_

 

_Eventually, they had enough and agreed to stop the impromptu fistfight. They were both panting heavily, faces and limbs bruised, and each other's lips were cut._ _Eita_ _'s_ _mouth was bleeding._

 

_Wakatoshi_ _stood up, slightly staggering, and walked to the cabinet. He retrieved the first aid kit, a towel, and an ice pack that was already inside the freezer. He handed all these to_ _Eita_ _, the blond glaring at him, and stood back up again to treat his own injuries._

 

_"Clean yourself and treat your wounds," he took off his shirt._ _Eita's_ _eyes rolled. "When you're done, head to the kitchen."_

 

_Eita_ _was still scowling at him, but his hands were already making their way to grab the towel and wipe the blood on his face. Feeling cocky, he spat on_ _Wakatoshi's_ _shoes._

 

_The taller didn't seem fazed, which pissed him off more, as_ _Wakatoshi_ _folded his shirt neatly._

 

_"We'll talk."_ _Wakatoshi's_ _deep voice resonated in his veins, and it almost made_ _Eita_ _shudder. He made his way to the bathroom, leaving_ _Eita_ _to his own dilemma._

 

_\--_

 

_Wow, okay. Everything stung. It sucked. This sucks._ _Eita_ _sure does pack a punch and he didn't expect that. Guess he underestimated him._

 

_Thankfully, his cheek isn't swollen. It still hurt a bit but overall he's fine. He put on a new shirt and can't help but wonder._

 

_"Was I too rough with_ _Eita_ _?"_

 

 

_Wakatoshi_ _had washed his hair and so he decided to head to the kitchen. He sighed in relief when he saw_ _Eita_ _patched up, already waiting for him. He felt guilt creeping up on him when he saw the band-aid on the corner of_ _Eita's_ _lips._ _Wakatoshi_ _grabbed two glasses of water and handed one to his lover before settling down beside him. Both men sat in silence for a while, then_ _Wakatoshi_ _spoke up._

 

_"_ _Eita_ _," he huffed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you." His eyes darkened. He brought his hands together and fiddled with his fingers. "I caused you a lot of pain."_

 

_Eita_ _turned to him, brows furrowing. "No! I'm...I'm the one who's sorry. I was being a dick and you were just trying to help. I shouldn't have taken those drugs in the first place." He pouted._

 

_Wakatoshi_ _gave him a small smile, accepting the apology and lifted his hands to lovingly stroke the back of_ _Eita's_ _head. The younger leaned to the touch, sighing contently before putting his arms around_ _Wakatoshi's_ _neck and moving a bit closer._

 

_He lightly bumped their foreheads together, and_ _Wakatoshi_ _kissed his nose._ _Eita_ _nuzzled back, gently, murmuring sweet nothings to his lover before giving chaste kisses on his cheek. The taller pulled him in closer,_ _Eita_ _now sitting on his lap, his hands sliding down to his lower back, and placed his face on the crook of_ _Eita's_ _neck. He inhaled_ _Eita's_ _scent, hugging him tight and the blond almost purred._

 

_His hands were still cupping_ _Wakatoshi's_ _jaw, and_ _Eita_ _took this chance to place small kisses on his hair._ _Wakatoshi_ _liked it whenever they end their fights like this; it eased his worries when_ _Eita_ _succumbed to his touch._ _Eita_ _is a wild fire, and whether he liked it or not, he could end up hurting_ _Wakatoshi_ _or other people in one way or another. But most of the time,_ _Wakatoshi_ _comes to his rescue, holding him, and the world is in place again._

 

_After a while, Eita_ _had stopped_ _kissing him and he just leaned his head on top of_ _Wakatoshi's_ _. They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other, taking in each other's presence—a quiet and comforting declaration of love between the two._ _Wakatoshi_ _saw the drugs he threw from here, and his expression turned sour. His arms tightened around_ _Eita_ _, and the younger grunted in his slight pain._

 

_"Sorry."_ _Wakatoshi_ _kissed his shoulder. He's going to throw those things out later. For now, he's going to enjoy his time with his boyfriend._

 

_Minutes ticked by for what felt like hours. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, Eita should be used to it, Wakatoshi and him just cuddling and breathing. Today, anxiety was creeping up on him and "comfortable" is the last word he'd use to describe the atmosphere. He de_ _cided to break the silence instead, and let out a small, "_ _Wakatoshi_ _."_

 

_The taller hummed in response, kissing his shoulder again._

 

_"Tell me you don't want me anymore."_

 

_Wakatoshi_ _held his breath for a while, taking in what_ _Eita_ _said, what he meant, what he wanted_ _Eita_ _to say instead, and exhaled. He could feel_ _Eita's_ _heartbeat racing but it didn't match his broken expression._

 

_He looked up at him, face neutral, but the hurt and confusion in his eyes were clear._

 

_"_ _Wakatoshi_ _," He wanted to shout, to get mad, but he's going to hold back. He didn't want to scare Eita. He was going to listen_ _._ _Eita_ _was on the verge of tears._

 

_"Please say it. Tell me you don't want me anymore. Say that I'm too much, too troublesome, and that you're tired of me. Tell me that you're much better off without me. Leave me, right now."_

 

_"Do you want me to break up with you?"_

 

_"Yes,"_ _Eita_ _croaked, his voice lacing with anguish. "Please,_ _Wakatoshi_ _. You've done so much for me and I'm just causing you a lot of trouble_ _. I'm too much and you're always the one adjusting, I don't want to burden you anymore. You're tired already. You gotta be tired."_

 

_"We don't deserve each other. I'm not supposed to be with someone so kind, and you, of all people, don't deserve to fall in love with a sad piece of shit like me. I'm too hard to handle and too depressing to be with, I'd just,"_ _Eita_ _brought both of his hands to his eyes. "I'm...I'm a nuisance. I'd just drag you down!"_

 

_"What?"_ _Wakatoshi_ _spat. "What are you saying,_ _Eita_ _? No! You never were a nuisance for me! You were never too much, you were never a bother. Eita, you are—"_

 

_"Break up with me!"_

 

_"_ _Eita_ _—"_

 

_"Tell me! Say you don't want any of this anymore! Say you hate me! That you're done!"_

 

_"_ _Wha_ _—shut up!"_ _Wakatoshi_ _roared, making him flinch in shock. The taller slammed his lips against his, not hesitating for a second_ _. "Shut up, just shut the fuck up. Don't go deciding things on your own, don't go assuming shit._ _Eita_ _, this relationship goes both ways and you never, not even once, asked my opinion about all of this—"_

 

_"That's why we should break up!"_

 

_"At least chill,_ _Eita_ _! God! Let me finish!"_ _Wakatoshi_ _shouted. He flinched when he saw_ _Eita's_ _shocked face and he realized he was shouting at him again. "S-sorry...I didn't mean to..."_

 

_" 'S fine."_

 

_He sighed, right hand moving its way to hold_ _Eita's_ _worried face and his left stayed on his back to support him. He pulled_ _Eita's_ _head down to bump his own, and closed his eyes._

 

_"_ _Eita_ _. Don't think that. Don't ever think that you don't deserve all of this. I know you're depressed, I know it'll come back every now and then, and love, that is the reason why I'm staying."_

 

_"I am not breaking up with you. I'm not letting you go, no matter how you much you scream at me or punch me. Go ahead, do all of those, just remember_ _Eita_ _, I will not leave you, I won't throw you out. I love you. Run away and I'll chase you. Push me away and I'll still come back. Again and again."_

 

_He kissed his lips. "I waited for you, didn't I? I'm not letting you go so easily."_

 

_Eita_ _probably looked ridiculous by now, fat tears were falling from his eyes, and his face felt all scrunchy and disgusting. How could_ _Wakatoshi_ _love such a broken man? Surely, he deserved someone else. I mean, he's looking at him with those eyes again. Those stupid eyes filled with love and understanding. Stupid, stupid._

 

_The blond whimpered and sniffled, unable to find the right words to say._

 

_"It's alright to overthink,_ _Eita_ _. You're a sad, broken soul and I love you like that. Just please don't go and take this all on your own. I'm your boyfriend, and I_ will _marry you someday, so if you think I'm all that, you should give me half your problems. I'm here to help you."_

 

_Wakatoshi_ _took the towel from the table and gently wiped_ _Eita's_ _tears away. He chuckled when the blond took the towel from him and frantically wiped his own face. "Like Troy Bolton said..."_

 

_"We're all in this together,"_ _Eita_ _snorted. "That wasn't just Troy, you know."_

 

_"You know I don't watch High School Musical."_

 

_"Damn straight, you uncultured fuck. I should have dated Satori instead."_ _Eita_ _joked._

 

_Wakatoshi hummed. "You could have, but then you wouldn't have a human furnace when the electricity's out, or thighs to lay your head on. You know you_ love _these thighs."_

 

_Eita_ _laughed. "Not denying it."_

 

_Wakatoshi_ _held him again, sweetly kissing his lips, to which the other kissed in return._

 

_"_ _Eita_ _, baby," He whispered against the_ _younger's_ _lips. "You sad, broken, beautiful man."_

 

_Eita's_ _eyes were shining._ _Wakatoshi_ _couldn't help but smile._

 

_"I love you."_

 

* * *

 

 

 

The waves were already almost reaching him, but Eita didn't move back. If anything, it seemed like he wanted his shoes to get wet.

 

The sun has already risen, the sky a beautiful blue, but the air wasn't less cold. There were already people, some exercising and some were just walking around. The man stood up, patting the sand off his pants, and walked to his car. He's been away from home for too long.

 

He took his keys and opened the car's door. The bakery should be open by now, he thinks. He has to buy that bread that Wakatoshi likes. What was its name again? He couldn't remember. He'll know when he'll get there.

 

Eita started the car and then drove off, Wakatoshi in his mind. Bastard's still asleep, no doubt. Eita couldn't wait to poke fun at his stupid drooling face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, Post Malone.


End file.
